What Did Your Parents Most Want You to Be? | 5 Minute Video
When parents boast about their children with other people, what do most say first? Is it how nice they are to strangers? Or how much volunteering they did last year? Usually not. More often, they talk about their good grades in school, or the prestigious college they went to, or the much sought after summer internship they are on. But this is backwards. Acts of kindness are what parents should talk about with others, and what they should really praise their kids for. According to Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, the best way to make a better world is to praise people for what counts–goodness.
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Script:
A lot of the things that are wrong with the world we can’t fix by ourselves. As much as we’d like to see peace brought to troubled areas, corrupt governments reformed, cancers cured, there’s a limited amount that any of us as individuals can do about such things.
However, there is one thing that nearly all of us can do that will immediately and exponentially increase goodness and happiness on earth.
Parents — and all other adults — should reserve their highest praise of children for when their children do kind acts. This is not the case at present. As a rule, children receive their highest compliments for one of four things:
— their intellectual and academic achievements “my son, Sean is brilliant! His teacher says he is the best student she has had in years.”
— their athletic abilities,
— their artistic attainments,
— and, in the case of girls, their looks.
Children who receive their parents’ and other adults’ compliments in these areas are delighted; everyone loves compliments. But what about the child who doesn’t excel at academics, who isn’t a gifted athlete or dancer? Or the girl who is not particularly pretty?
About what will their parents praise them? The most flattering remark such a child is likely to hear their parents tell others will be something like, “But he or she is a really good kid.” From which it can generally be inferred that being a good kid is not a big deal — that, from the parent’s perspective, the child is probably not very good at anything worth talking about.
Some parents to whom I’ve made this proposal have told me it’s unnecessary; they’re certain that they’ve successfully communicated to their children that being a good person is what really matters most to them.
By in large, these parents are deluding themselves and there is a way for parents to find out if this is so.
For many years, Dennis Prager has suggested that parents ask their children: What do you think that I, your mother, or I, your father, want you to be: Successful, smart, good, or happy?
Many parents who have conducted this experiment have been quite surprised to learn that their children did not think that being good was what mattered most to their parents. Try it yourself. Ask your child of any age that question: What do you think I most want you to be?
I want to make clear that I am not suggesting that parents stop complimenting their children for their accomplishments in other areas. All children want to know that their parents have respect for their accomplishments. And girls, even more than boys, also need to feel that they’re physically attractive.
But — and this is an important but — what I am suggesting is this: the traits that we most often emphasize and praise are all important only if being a good person is placed at the top of the list.
For the complete script, visit https://www.prageru.com/videos/what-did-your-parents-most-want-you-be
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loved it
Kind.
Okay. This 5 minute clip is inciteful and true. Well done!
The only standard parents should have period is to be a nice respectful person and happy.
If you’re intelligent, you’ll know the difference between right and wrong, the value of money, and the need to do your due diligence on people, products, and places to recognize what to avoid.
Yep, my father's side of the family sees me as the black sheep because I didn't go to college and they value education, my mother's side sees me as the black sheep because I'm an Atheist and they value Christianity. The fact that I am a good person and served my country honorably in the military for 20 years and am not a drain on society in any way doesn't seem to matter much to either side, simply because I didn't follow the path THEY wanted.
I would answer responsible for my Dad
Liberal
Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. – Gandalf
Well, Germany fought WWII because they were cheated in the armistice of WWI. The k*lling of 6M Jews was awful, but so was the American/British bombing of Germany k*lling 30M. Always speak the truth.
I am From India and I asked my dad this same question .
he replied like be whatever u want to be except a sad sorry and miserable loser with insecurities .
Maybe all parents don't want their children to become a an even worser version of themselves
> Germany committed Holocaust because it lacked good people.
LOL what а moronity. Germans were a nation particularly full of evil people, is that what you think? Maybe you also think that North Korea's monstrosities were also a result of North Koreans' submissiveness or stupidity compared to South Koreans? Don't you think that people who are in power is what matters? Аnd who will be in power is not fully controlled by the people. It depends largely on random events and on system's legacy. Once the man came in power it is very hard to get rid of him. We have no doubt that the sozi government repressed the dissidents. To blame the personal qualities of the Germans is such a naivity and quite racist.
imagine the world it would be
I've witnessed that Asian (Korean in particular) value IQ scores, academic achievement, attaining wealth and other superficial values and there's NO emphasis on character.
My parents were members of the Klan and we're hoping that I would eventually become a grand wizard. We cannot allow jews, blacks, and immigrants to replace us. Thank you for your efforts keep up the good work.
What would my parents always want me to be?
Happy, that I would find my own way in life, and do something that I felt were meaningful.
Goodness and integrity.
When we (Caucasian father, Vietnamese mother) adopted our daughter from China, the local adoption agency said that the only regular activity your child needs to do outside of school is go to church. They said the best-adjusted children do that.
A good God fearing man who isn't afraid to say what's right, even if it's controversial, and I intend to be just that.
I hope they want you to be a law abiding citizen and not just a trained monkey they can show off to their friends…
Happy
I dislike 30+ minute PragerU advertisements.
And what about happiness? Isn't (subjectively ofc) it better to be happy than to be good and unhappy?
They wanted me to be an obedient slave. No way I was going to do that.
What parents need to ask there children. Do you trust me or your brothers or sisters. If no your are bad parents. Because you don't stand up for your children.
That's a foolish and very naive worldview. Seriously, don't ever teach that to a kid, unless you want your child to become a pushover. Being nice to others gets you nowhere, only strength does! Teach your child to be strong, and he will get respect. Doesn't mean of course mean that you should encourage nastiness. Always keep in mind: Jesus was executed because he was a nice guy.
GOOD video:)
I just realized that I'm proud of my son because he's grown into a good person despite the bad example I provided.
Awesome!