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Love Needs Laughs | 5 Minute Video

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How do you know if your relationship is going in the right direction? Is there a way to tell if you’re in love? Well, yes, and studies confirm that the measuring stick is how much laughter there is in your relationship. Comedian Yakov Smirnoff, host of PBS comedy special “Happily Ever Laughter”, explains.
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Script:

I grew up in the former Soviet Union. My parents and I lived in a communal apartment with nine other families. When my parents wanted to be romantic they would send me to look out the window.

One day my dad said, “So what did you see out the window?”
I said, “Our neighbors being romantic.”
He said, “How could you tell?”
I said, “Because their son is looking at me.”

My parents laughed. At that moment, I felt that I was in the presence of love. As a child, I made the discovery that laughter must be the way people communicate to one another that they’re happy.

Did you know that there has been actual research into the relationship between laughter and happy marriages?

For over four decades, Dr. John Gottman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington, has studied thousands of couples in both successful relationships and not-so-successful ones. “Couples who laugh together,” he concludes, “last together.”

Here’s how it works: we make each other happy first and then laughter reassures us that we are on the right track. The fading away of laughter may be the best way to tell if your relationship has gone off course.

So here is what I want you to start doing: listen for laughter in your relationship.

And not just any laughter – listen for moments when you share laughter together. If that isn’t happening just about every day, it is time to do something about it.

Let me give you an example from my own life. One night, I was putting my son Alexander to bed. He was cranky and crying. My wife said to me, “I’ll show you how to put the baby to sleep.” She took Alexander from me and put him in the bassinet and put the bassinet on top of the dryer. Two minutes later he was sound asleep. I said “Oh great. All other kids are going to go to daycare center. I’ll have to drop him off at the laundromat. Oh, that bundle? Yeah, that one is mine.”

My wife did not laugh. As a comedian, I should have caught that. In my show, if a joke doesn’t get a laugh, I analyze what went wrong. Perhaps change the set-up, or a punch line to get the laughter back. I use laughter as a gauge of the happiness of my audience.

At that time, I did not understand that it could be applied to my personal life as well. If I had understood that laughter was a gauge of happiness, I might have saved my marriage.

As I started to research the science of happiness, I learned that when there is a genuine connection between people, laughter is the first thing that happens as a confirmation of a happy relationship.

The intimacy comes next and then people get married and live together.

When things are not working, laughter is the first thing to go.

Second thing to go is intimacy.

Third thing is your house.

Of course, marriages and relationships break up for all sorts of reasons. But, I can say with confidence, if you’re not laughing, there is trouble ahead.

So, how do you get the laughter back if you’ve lost it? Every relationship is different, of course, but there is one constant: To laugh together, you need to be together. And that literally means time together.

You need to start by making a decision that time together is important and it’s not negotiable. Set a date night, take a dance lesson, a cooking class. Doesn’t matter what you do. You just have to do it.

For the complete script, visit https://www.prageru.com/videos/love-needs-laughs

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Tags BoyfriendComedianComedydennis pragerDivorceFunnyGirlfriendHappily Ever LaughterhusbandJohn GottmanLaughterloveMarriagePBSprager universitypragerurelationshipspousewifeYakov Smirnoff
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42 Comments

  14. It's weird my close guy friend and I only laughed a little in the beginning of our friendship, we even argued a lot but now that we're almost to the point of dating (we gave in lol) after years of knowing each other but getting closer, we laugh almost every time we spend time together and our arguments that used to be moderately bad and stressful are so mild and we end up apologizing to each other and then laughing every single time. Nearly every time we see each other or talk to each other we end up laughing a ton about nothing lol so much so my abs feel like they got a work out and he complains he can't breathe from laughing so hard. Laughter is so amazing and it's so natural too we're just being ourselves and we laugh at each other it's a great thing to have!

  15. Yakov, I have to share this with you. When my wife and I were in our early dating days we would both laugh so hard over something that we'd cry. Because I this I combined the words Laughing and crying into a new word "craughing" We didn't craugh as much later in life, but we did craugh. I have a picture of my wife not long before she died in 2015 of her dancing with the turkey she was preparing for Thanksgiving. Great belly laugh coming out of that smiling mouth, and tears streaming down either side of her face. There are times when I miss her, but as the Bible says, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." So, yes, her body died, but she is with Jesus, and since we are "one flesh" that means I'm already half in Heaven. God bless you sir.

  19. What I like to say is to never let romance get in the way of a good friendship. This means two things. One, that I'm not going to date if it means I lose friends, and two, any time a serious relationship gets rocky, restoring the friendship is more important than anything else. The higher levels of relationship can be regained, but only if the friendship stays intact

  21. Execuse me, I'll let you know that I made girls laugh all the time when I was in school yet I didn't feel loved, I didn't even have a female partner….

    Jokes aside, he isn't wrong, love is born from positive interactions, and laughter here and there is something to increase positive thoughts and impression creating love (not romantically neccesserly)

  33. I thought it was too. I first saw this man on Night Court years ago. I have loved him since then, and I have even seen him in person in Branson, MO. I respect him and his views, not just because I think he's hilarious, but because their is an innate truth to what he says. My grandparents always made time for each other. One of the memories I still cherish involved my disabled Grandfather. He as an ex vietnam vet and had a lot of health issues. I helped take care of them. He had an allowance from the budget, and i am sure you can understand why. He pulled me over one day, shortly after I could drive and said "Erick. I want you to go to the store and I want you to pick up <X amount> of roses and bring them back to me. I want to give some to Grandma." Without grandma's knowledge, even saving up part of his allowance, and sending me out to pick them up in secret so he could give them to her. Of course I did so. My grandfather was a very romantic man. Sometimes pig headed, and with a lot of issues, but he loved my Grandmother and that was always apparent. That is where I learned to be the man I am. Those little things, time spent showing someone you love them, finding ways to laugh, love, and express desire even with exceptionally disabled people is something I will ALWAYS carry within my heart.

    I might be single. The world has changed. This… is one of those universal truths. Everyone I have seen that has kept the love, the time together, and the laughter in their marriages along with the need to make sure they work on it and don't think of it as expendable… has built true, long lasting relationships.