It’s Time to Grow Up
We all know that there’s more to maturity than simply growing older. So what characteristics do you need to become a mature person? And why will that help you lead a better life? UCLA Medical School psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer explains.
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Script:
We all know it takes a long time to grow up — not only biologically, but psychologically. There’s a saying among psychiatrists that it takes 50 years to overcome the first 20.
Here’s the good news: unlike other species, we are not restrained by our instincts alone. We are able to learn from our parents, our experiences and our culture.
Here’s the bad news: Nobody matures without effort. It doesn’t happen naturally. It takes a lot of hard work.
But what does it mean to be “mature?” Good question. So, let’s answer it.
I have identified five characteristics of maturity. If you work to possess them all, you will have a happier, deeper, and more productive life.
One: Taking Control
Of course, you had no choice what era you were born in, or where you were born, or who your parents are. But with each year of childhood you attain more and more capacity to chart your own course. Yes, society and fate play a role, but cultivating your ability and willingness to make your own decisions, expands your ability to influence how your life unfolds. The only way to achieve maturity is to take charge of your life. Nothing empowers you as much as exercising that control. Refusing to act, waiting to be rescued and seeing yourself as a victim are sure signs of immaturity.
Two: Taking Responsibility.
I mean this in two ways.
The first way is simply to acknowledge that you’re responsible for what you do. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it. Don’t alibi and don’t blame others. This is an easy thing to say, but we all know it’s very hard to do. A mature person does it. A mature person takes responsibility.
Second, is the willingness to take on obligations and fulfill them. For example, I got married and took on obligations to my wife and children. I have ethical obligations to my patients and my profession, even on days that I might not feel like it. A mature person doesn’t see obligations as burdens but as something he willingly accepts and sees through to fulfillment.
Three: Containing Emotions.
I would never suggest that you should ignore your emotions, but you have to learn to contain them. Immature people lash out at their boss or their coworker if something doesn’t go their way, or argue with their spouse when they come home, or turn to alcohol or drugs because of a rough day.
I often tell my patients that maturity can be measured by how much anxiety they can tolerate without acting out inappropriately against themselves or others. Mature people express their emotions in the right place, at the right time, in the right way. We are emotional beings, but we should never let go of the steering wheel; that is, we need to learn how and when to contain our emotions.
Four: Having Perspective.
An immature teenager will regard a pimple as a catastrophic eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, or will regard rejection by a girlfriend or boyfriend as the end of the world. Maturity comes from putting disappointments into perspective.
The reason we forgive a teenager’s overreaction is because we understand it’s probably the first time it’s happened. But life’s disappointments don’t stop when you turn 21. Far from it. Disappointments of every variety, great and small, happen throughout life. The mature person learns from them and gets stronger each time he recovers. This kind of mature thinking is best expressed in the famous advice given to King Solomon: This too shall pass.
For the complete script visit https://www.prageru.com/video/its-time-to-grow-up
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Try cold showers🚿and ice water baths🥶🛀🏿, that increases blood flow to the brain🧠for stress tolerance and resilience, that's also how the Navy SEALs train.
If this is good advice, why couldn't you find a psychologist with more than a 1 star view to say it? Surely much more accredited and well-reviewed psychologists would also agree with these points, if they were correct?
The message about not being a victim really resonated with me. I realized how immature I was being and I'm ready to move forward and take responsibility, and recognize that other people aren't responsible for my situation.
I was a hardcore Trump/MAGA follower who used to blame China and immigrants for my problems. I used to think I was the victim of a war on Christmas. In the past I thought that I was the victim of certain books being in my kid's schools. I used to believe that as an American I was the victim of the election being stolen and the president I voted for not being in office.
One time I remember hearing Trump say "“We are all victims. Everybody here. All these thousands of people tonight. They’re all victims. Every one of you.” That was the moment I knew I needed to grow up out of the victim mindset and do the hard work to build a little maturity.
I'm happy to say that any time I hear Trump say something like "I'm the most persecuted person in history" I can't help but just laugh. Thank god I've finally taken the advice in this video, and grown up.
I agree w/most of what is said in this video.However, there is true evil in many people and the Bible warns us to stay away from them. Not to hate or resent them, but to STAY away. I have found this to be totally necessary in many instances to preserve my soul & my sanity. God knows what He is doing when someone is “removed” from your life, believe me. Live FREE from demonic creatures who want to destroy you!!!AND….feel NO GUILT!!!God bless and keep you safe. Listen to the Holy Spirit!!😊
This guy is even scarier than Dr. Phil
2:39 How is that immature?
No, especailly at the emotions part.
So if someone has an anxiety disorder, then they aren’t mature?
World's worst psychiatrist lmao check out his reviews
M A T O O R
Look at me, I'm MATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING
This is one of the most powerful PragerU videos on the channel.
Bro gave the worst psychiatric advice I ever heard. By “containing emotions”, he really means bottling them up, something that leads to a higher likelihood of suicide. Also, it sounds like he’s calling people with clinical anxiety fundamentally immature when they “act out inappropriately” even though it’s a mental illness outside of their control. This guy has had abismal reviews and I would never recommend him to anyone. Not to mention he basically called all civil rights protesters immature when he talked down to the character holding a “justice for me” sign. Are we now supposed to assume that people advocate for systemic justice shouldn’t be taken seriously???
What is this? He should get his license revoked. A couple of good points (barely) but throughout most of the video he was just abusing psychiatric knowledge and twisting it to fit an agenda. What a horrible and inaccurate psychiatrist. And you all fell for him like idiots
M u ' t o u r
matoor
Y’all b trynna trick kids into watching this
You need to grow up
Thankyou
Another privileged old white guy at PragerU telling everyone to suck it up and serve their "betters".
It seems I'm gonna need to be more matour
Just remember while watching this, PragerU are only directing this at the poor. The rich can do what they like, and telling people not to be victims is an easy way for victimisers to get off the hook.
Then conflating actually being the victim of something with being work shy really is the nail in the coffin for this shill. Hope the pay check was worth it.
Don’t take bad life advice from a terrible therapist. “Seeing yourself as victim” holding a placard doesn’t make you a victim infact that is democracy at work, i don’t like it the anti Vax protests I think they are selfish people that doesn’t mean I will stop them fro doing it.
“Don’t sit around waiting to be saved” ????? What happened to “ patience is a virtue” being patience is literally a philosophical key point that psychiatry was based upon.
“Refusing to act” sometimes not acting is better than running head first what happened to analysing a situation before acting on impulse?
“ containing your emotions” this is very unhealthy and I mean it has given people a mental breakdown and I myself had experienced this in my teens, when I went to therapy I was literally told not to bottle up my emotions and must wonder how this guy even got his job and he should be fired.
Talk about abusing psychiatry to push a political agenda and I thought the Right hated that? So why are they the ones that always do it?
I'm lacking 3 and 4.
Does the UCLA school of medicine officially endorse this video?
The problem is being surrounded by immature ppl 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Sometimes the only solution is to act like them
https://youtu.be/k3TOS_Y8qGM
Did PragerU not bother to check this guys reviews before they brought him on? According to his reviews by his clients he’s an absolutely terrible doctor.