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The Missing Tile Syndrome | 5 Minute Video

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Have you ever thought to yourself, “I wish I were ____”? Adjectives may have included: thinner, taller, smarter, etc. If so, you’re like virtually everyone else, and afflicted by “The Missing Tile Syndrome.” As Dennis Prager explains, we often focus on the missing tile(s) in our lives, which robs us of happiness. In five minutes, learn how to fix your focus.

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Script:

I would like you to imagine sitting in a room, looking up at a tiled ceiling. And you notice that one tile is missing – just one. What would you concentrate your vision on? What would you look at the most? The answer of course, is the missing tile.

Now, that’s fine for ceilings, in fact it’s actually good because we can replace a ceiling’s missing tile and once again have a perfect ceiling. Ceilings, after all, can be perfect. But this doesn’t apply to life. Most of what is missing in our lives, or what we think is missing, cannot be replaced. Unlike a ceiling, life can never be made perfect. For that reason, concentrating on the missing tiles in your life is a big problem.

Let me give you the example that taught me this great lesson about what I call The Missing Tile Syndrome.

A bald man once said to me, “You know, Dennis, whenever I walk into a room with people, all I see is hair. When I heard this I immediately realized in this regard this man sees the world completely differently from how I do. Because I have all my hair, when I walk into a room I don’t even notice hair. It’s not a missing tile for me. But for this person, hair is what he sees. This applies, in some way, to everyone.

When a woman who thinks she has imperfect legs walks into a room, all she sees are perfect legs. Or take the example of the woman who once said to me, “Wherever I go, all I see are pregnanyt women.” Now how could that be? The vast majority of women, even those young enough to be pregnant, are not pregnant at any given time. But that was all she saw because she wanted to get pregnant and wasn’t able to. Her missing tile was not having a child. That’s the way human nature is: we focus on what’s missing in our lives.

The Missing Tile Syndrome is a very big obstacle to happiness. So big, in fact, that it makes happiness almost impossible. There will always be something missing in your life. When you see other people’s kids, you’ll think you see tiles that are missing in your own children. “Gee, why can’t my kids study as hard, or be as polite, or be as bright, or be as good looking, or be as athletic.” The same holds true regarding our spouses, our work, our looks. The list is endless.

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33 Comments

  3. I think a better way to explain what I meant in my previous comment is to say:
    There's a spectrum of degrees of this, from trivial to important. For example, Fire requires heat,oxygen, and fuel to exist. without one of these factors, Fire would not function. Your very own existence is similar. Without any one factor necessary for existence, you would not exist/survive. I would not ignore any one of those "missing tiles".
    There was a King who said, "My Kingdom for a horse!". There's also a story that said, "For the lack of a nail, a shoe was lost. For the lack of a shoe, a horse was lost. For the lack of a horse, a soldier was lost. For the lack of a soldier, a war was lost. For the lack of a victory, a kingdom was lost.".

  6. That only goes so far. Every coin has two sides. You can't make a rule/law/principle out of that. Don't let perfection be the enemy of good? The flip side is, don't let "good (enough)" be the enemy of perfection. If you can get it perfect/fixed/replaced, why not? I think you do it yourself every time you notice the missing food in your stomach.

  9. It contains knowledge of importance, however the end screws it up.
    Looking at the other tiles isn't necessarily the path to happiness. The missing tiles give us information. Essential information in some cases.
    When a psychologist analyzed predictors of happiness, an important question was introduced: "Are you as educated as you are intelligent?" For example, highly intelligent people are more needy of education for finding happiness. Or for building states of psychological flow into activities they consider at their level and enough to satisfy their different minds.
    And sometimes watching at the missing tile, the one that we can replace, give us information to move forward in that endeavor, and reach the point where not looking at the missing tiles, hold some sort of sense in the pursuit of happiness, because we finally build a good ceiling above us.

    Sorry for making an argument, you're the great guy publishing the videos, dear professor, maybe the next video should be about the power of critical thinking… Shalom.

  11. I feel like this is happening now in politics. People want a candidate that is not universally despised by liberals, doesn’t have any of the abrasive traits of Donald Trump that made him a great president willing to fight the left, and still stands up for American values.

  16. Life is always thus, this we all must learn,
    what we wish the most, rarely comes.
    Got we all from infancy, without battles or dispute,
    we would simply wish, for even more.
    But on the long road of life,
    disappointments will arrive
    So teach us modesty, smile, and be glad of what we have.
    Life is always thus, this we all must learn
    what we want the most, we wont get.

  20. I don't know about any "Missing Tile Syndrome". What Dennis went on about for almost five minutes can be summed up like this:

    Be grateful and appreciative for the things you have instead of looking for the thing that you are positive will make your life perfect, because that "thing" doesn't exist.